learning

last night, before i could muster up the energy to go home, i spent half an hour recording my face. i didn't move a muscle the entire time and for the most part looked directly at the camera. i remember all these dark, crazy thoughts streaming through my mind and the strain of holding the feeling of desperation at bay and wondering if anyone would ever be able to see what i felt in my face. so i recorded it. then i played it back.

i found out two things: one, i look ten years older than i did a year ago, and two, when i am dark, no one can tell except for me.