surprising

I wonder when it'll stop surprising me that I make it through some days without a single negative thought.

Like today, a lot of things happened that, in the past, would have driven me into a really foul mood by the evening. Things like waking up at 3am and being stuck awake due to cramps for hours because I packed my advil away somewhere during the last apt cleaning and was in too much pain to search through every box/bag in the house. Or being woken up in the morning after I'd finally fallen asleep and having to get up to pack everything again because the pest control people were back. Or the pest control people being late by forty minutes, which made my workday pretty null and void. Or feeling stressed out because I set goals for myself I just haven't been meeting, because they were too high. Or knowing that when I get home I have to check everything I own to see if there's poisonous roach killer on it and I can't just fall into bed and pass out even though I'm tired.

Little things. But in the past they would have been huge. I would have been miserable a long time ago.

Still, though it's been months since I really felt dark, today for some reason it really surprises me that I'm not unhappy.

Part of me wonders if I'll ever stop being surprised. Part of me thinks it would be nice to always appreciate the knowledge that I am better than I used to be.